For the second time in my life I’ve had someone pass away unexpectedly. In neither scenario were they heavily involved in my day to day activities, but were both people I had had history with and would have called friends.
The most recent piece of news came my way at about 2am due to the time difference and definitely had me a bit rattled, it was really more to do with utter shock. After making a few necessary phone calls I aimed for a little sleep, but that was less than ideal. By the time I needed to wake up, I had only gotten a few hours of sleep. Not being in the mood to be happy with kids, I decided to use my first sick day. I my principle what happened and why sleep didn’t really happen, and he completely understood. Within a few minutes he came to my apartment to make sure all was okay and give me some orange juice, I really appreciated that. After he left I returned to sleep, till 2pm.
When I finally woke up, I was left with a fair bit of time to consider everything a bit more. As usual I’m a stoic person and really had very little emotion, at least less than I would expect. It was the same scenario as with Sam. It isn’t that the sorrow doesn’t register, it just doesn’t show outwardly. Sometimes I feel guilty about that.
I guess that the main thing that has been on my mind lately is the brevity that life can hold. The hypothetical questions have been running through my mind every so often, if I give it a chance. “Who could be next? (It could be anyone) When will it be? How will I feel? How would I feel if the blow hit closer to home?
Disappearing is a strange phenomenon that really does send the mind spiraling into otherwise untouchable territory.